A Part of the Human Race
Jan. 21st, 2009 05:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rayjwinteravenA lot of things are coming together for this, so it'll be as convoluted a posting as ever. Please bear with me...
A friend of mine has begun chemotherapy. Apparently her tumour grew fast because she has a lot of estrogen, so she's going to have that estrogen suppressed, entering menopause, to help battle this cancer. She's a bit younger than me, has no children, and now she probably never will.
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I was doing my usual stuff at the computer, wondering if it's a waste of time. Am I wasting my time, should I be doing something else, does it make a difference really? Then in my google sidebar image viewer, I saw a PostSecret from some time ago. A woman's postcard, she went through chemotherapy and now can't have children of her own, and now feels like she is worthless to the human race.
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The last time my friend was in my life, I was going through another rough patch. It seems there's always rough patches up ahead, doesn't it? But there I was, feeling vulnerable in those days, but she would come by to visit. We imagined doing really cool crafts together, only she had the funds and materials and tools and space in order to make the ideas something of a reality. Living the dreams roused mine from their slumber, and I had things to look forward to, things to anticipate, and I was a better mom to my boy.
It takes a village to raise a child, they say. I don't have family around, and I don't have many friends, and each friend is treasured. Each friend helps me, making the good times better, easing the worst of the rough spots, and I am better able to parent with that support.
It's quite likely that my friend, who chose not to have children, won't be able to change her mind. Thing is, being a parent, passing on your strengths to the next generation, isn't solely about genetics. My son got to learn more joy because it had been improved. I won't forget sitting on the porch blowing bubbles, with my baby boy bouncing around after them, across the grass, as the sun reluctantly prepared to set.
Another couple I know are also childfree, by choice, but they are a huge support to me and my kids. No matter what else happens, both of my children are having a better life because of this couple. They are closer to us than most of the people on either side of the family. In the good times, in the less-than-good times, they're here for us and we're here for them, and my kids benefit too.
So... how is it that childfree people are not useful to the human race? We all need each other, and when we're working to support one another, we all benefit.
A friend of mine has begun chemotherapy. Apparently her tumour grew fast because she has a lot of estrogen, so she's going to have that estrogen suppressed, entering menopause, to help battle this cancer. She's a bit younger than me, has no children, and now she probably never will.
--------------
I was doing my usual stuff at the computer, wondering if it's a waste of time. Am I wasting my time, should I be doing something else, does it make a difference really? Then in my google sidebar image viewer, I saw a PostSecret from some time ago. A woman's postcard, she went through chemotherapy and now can't have children of her own, and now feels like she is worthless to the human race.
--------------
The last time my friend was in my life, I was going through another rough patch. It seems there's always rough patches up ahead, doesn't it? But there I was, feeling vulnerable in those days, but she would come by to visit. We imagined doing really cool crafts together, only she had the funds and materials and tools and space in order to make the ideas something of a reality. Living the dreams roused mine from their slumber, and I had things to look forward to, things to anticipate, and I was a better mom to my boy.
It takes a village to raise a child, they say. I don't have family around, and I don't have many friends, and each friend is treasured. Each friend helps me, making the good times better, easing the worst of the rough spots, and I am better able to parent with that support.
It's quite likely that my friend, who chose not to have children, won't be able to change her mind. Thing is, being a parent, passing on your strengths to the next generation, isn't solely about genetics. My son got to learn more joy because it had been improved. I won't forget sitting on the porch blowing bubbles, with my baby boy bouncing around after them, across the grass, as the sun reluctantly prepared to set.
Another couple I know are also childfree, by choice, but they are a huge support to me and my kids. No matter what else happens, both of my children are having a better life because of this couple. They are closer to us than most of the people on either side of the family. In the good times, in the less-than-good times, they're here for us and we're here for them, and my kids benefit too.
So... how is it that childfree people are not useful to the human race? We all need each other, and when we're working to support one another, we all benefit.
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-21 11:44 pm (UTC)Some people firmly believe that our only true purpose is to propagate. While it would seem that I'm not on the track to become a parent (and I'm cool with that), even I felt a sense of "at least my older brother had kids so I'm off the hook" at one point in my life. As you do, I reject utterly the sentiment that one needs to have children to have worth. And yet, I concede that for a lot of folks, child-bearing and -rearing is their truth. My sister-in-law cannot comprehend why I'm not dedicated to the pursuit of punching out babies, as I cannot understand why she's so hellbent on me doing so.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-22 04:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-22 09:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-22 10:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 06:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 06:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 01:38 pm (UTC)I have a pattern for a lovely waistcoat I wanted to knit for her. With the anticipation of hot flashes and such from the chemical menopause she'll be entering, it might be needed more than before.
I've sent a few extra emails - mild, minor things. Right now, I don't know if she'll want to talk, if there's anything she needs... the most I can do is let her know that she's on my mind and I'm still here. Thank goodness for the knitting - once I find the yarn again - it's hard to be ready to act, to need to act, and have nothing that I can *do*.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 05:21 pm (UTC)If she is going to lose her hair from chemo, a cute hat might be nice, too.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 03:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-03 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 06:39 am (UTC)I think this all the time...
no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 01:39 pm (UTC)Off topic, but may be of interest to you
Date: 2009-02-06 02:42 am (UTC)Re: Off topic, but may be of interest to you
Date: 2009-02-06 08:43 pm (UTC)